Jake on Jobs

Let's Play the "Got-Screwed Feud!"

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the “Got-Screwed Feud”, where representatives from three generations debate who is getting the most screwed as a result of the current economic crisis!

Before we get started, a brief word from our sponsor.

 

Announcer: This program is being brought to you by Knockov’s Box Wine, the recession red in the cardboard case.  Knockov’s: “Suck it up, it’ll last a while.”

Alright now, ladies and gentlemen, let’s meet our contestants.  First, I’d like to introduce the generation to my right, the Baby Boomers.

Boomer:  Great to be here tonight, Dick.  I’m ready for this.  I’ve been staring at my kids’ credit card statements all day!

 

Nice.  Way to be mentally prepared.  Now, on to our next contestant, Gen X!

Gen X:  Tell ya what, Dick.  I’m pretty pissed off.  I had to drive here in an American car.

 

Ouch.  Sorry to hear that.  Really, I am.  Finally, we have Gen Y!

Gen Y: ‘Sup.  Are we getting paid for showing up tonight or what?

 

‘Fraid not, kid.  But you do get to take all of your complaints home with you.  Now, let’s get started.  Here’s how this is going to work.  Each of you gets one paragraph to explain why your generation is getting screwed.  Boomer, we’ll start with you.

Boomer:  Why do I have to go first?  I think that I’ve earned the right (after thirty years of work) to decide the order.

 

Gen Y:  Yeah, that’s not fair!

 

Gen X:  Just pretend I’m not here.  Really cool, you guys…

 

I’m sorry.  The order has already been determined by random draw.  Boomer, you’re up.

Boomer: Ok, here goes.  My retirement funds have vanished in the stock market, and rising health care costs are going to make it impossible for me to get botox.  Worse, I can’t get my 26-year-old kid to stop playing "Rock Band" long enough to type up a resume.  Listen, all I want is a little respect, a second home in Scottsdale, and the recognition that my generation was the most influential EVER. 

 

Gen X: If by influential, you mean “reckless” and “greedy” then you can have all the recognition you want.  I’m entering my prime earning years but you idiots have created a salary cap for the entire country.  I just paid off my grad school loans and now I won’t even be able to buy a friggin’ three-car!  I got kids, Man!  You know how much good elementary schools cost these days?  This is crap!

 

Gen Y: At least you got a chance to go to school, not that a college degree does much good these days.  My first job out of college is going to involve a squeegee and/or a paper hat.  How am I supposed to make a difference in the world and stop climate change (and sh#@)?  I don’t need a fancy house like these other whiners.  Just give me a tent, an organic garden, and a yellow Xterra to get me to the beach and I’m straight.  Hold on, I’ getting a call…

 

Wow, strong performances all around, people.  I think we might have to go to a tie-breaker.  Here’s the deal: I need each of you to vote for a generation other than yourselves to receive the recognition as “most-screwed”.  Whichever generation receives the most votes will be the winner.

Boomer:  But we deserve it!  We survived the ‘60s!

 

Gen X:  This scene is liggity-lame.  I’m outtie.

 

Get Y:  There are generations other than us?

 

Wow, that didn’t get us anywhere.  Too bad, too, because we’re out of time.  Tune in next week when we decide which sad animal (the pound-puppy or the polar bear) deserves the most sympathy. 

Good night and good luck (you’re gonna need it).

Is Your Ego Big Enough for Greatness?

Quesiton of the day: Do people need massive egos to be great?  Not successful, mind you, but great.  I’m talking best-in-show, blow-our-minds, once-in-a-generation great.

Kanye West and Simon Cowell would say yes.

Beyonce and Warren Buffet might disagree.

Bill Gates might also disagree (though I think he would be lying)

I bring this up because I watched Man on Wire last night, the documentary about the French Guy who walked on a wire between the World Trade Towers in 1974.  Watching the film (which was excellent) I couldn’t get over how self-centered the wire walker, Philippe Petit, was and still is today.

He views himself as a visionary, a poet, an artist on par with the great Renaissance painters.  He believes that he gave the world a gift when he walked across his wire.  Furthermore, when he cheated on his girlfriend right after his stunt, he claimed it was justified because "pleasure of the flesh" was what the moment demanded.

The guy has ego for miles…and he needed every inch to turn his audacious and impossible dream into reality. 

Before watching Wire last night, I watched Simon Cowell implore contestants on American Idol to get cockier on-stage.  During the NBA dunk contest last weekend, I heard Kenny Smith say that LeBron James will never be as good as Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant because LBJ isn’t compelled to show world that he’s better than everybody else at everything, which is what is takes to become a legend.

So, I put the question to you: Is there such a thing as a humble legend?  More specifically, who (among the living) would qualify as such? 

(Note: Actors don’t count because, for all we know, they could just be acting humble.)
 

Work/Life Balance Isn't Healthy for 20-Somethings

20-somethings shouldn’t be worried about working too hard or too much, especially in this economy.

If you like your job, then now is the time to work your butt off so that when you have more life responsibilities (i.e. family) you’ll have more autonomy and scheduling flexibility.  If you don’t like your job, then now is the time to work your butt off so that you can develop the skills to get the job you want.

Work/Life Balance isn’t a healthy plan of attack for 20-somethings.

Let’s say that I’m 24 and I work for company I don’t care about, for a boss I resent, in a town that doesn’t excite me.  I can’t quit cold turkey because I need the money for rent, food, etc.  When my work day ends should I:

a.) Study another industry that gives me more energy.
b.) Hit the Internet and learn about other cities that intrigue me.
c.) Network (in-person or online) with people in said industries and cities.
d.) Grab a drink with some friends so that I can unwind after my stressful day.

A, b, and c require after-work focus, but they will be more satisfying than d.  I won't be able to unwind with one drink.  Instead, I will likely have several drinks, which will make me feel even worse about my unsatisfying existence.  Not to mention, that I’ll drop 20 bucks in the process. 

Similarly, if I go home and watch three episodes of CSI, my stress won’t disappear.  Instead, it will just wait until I claim in bed and then haunt me until I fall asleep.

Look, I understand that, in theory, the Work/Life concept is intended to add fulfillment and depth to life.  It’s about making sure that we carve our time for exercise, volunteer work, and cuddling.  All of that is important.  I get that.  However, I have run across too many 20-somethings who use “work/life” as an excuse to work less, drink more, and play XBOX.

Therefore, I stand by my assertion that Work/Life balance is not something 20-somethings should be worried about.  Instead, my suggestion is to work your butt off until you find a job that doesn’t feel like work.

Think about how relaxed and balanced you’ll feel.

I'm Sorry If That Group of People Couldn't See How Dope I Am

Confessions of a Teen Idol on VH1 is the best career show on TV right now. 

The premise: 7 former TV heartthrobs, all of whom have been out of the Hollywood limelight for roughly a decade, are preparing for career comebacks.  While living together in a house (naturally), the guys must learn to pitch and position themselves as adult actors.

Like every reality series, Confessions is filled with absurd challenges and edited for drama.  However, once you get past the celeb-reality packaging, you’ll find a wealth of career lessons and advice.   

On Sunday night, the guys were given the opportunity to pitch themselves to Hollywood “gatekeepers” – casting agents, producers, publicists, etc.  The point of the exercise was for the guys to take direct criticism and then use it to sharpen their personal positioning.

The exercise was a success for most of the group.  Unfortunately, Jeremy Jackson (“Hobie” from Baywatch) didn’t fare so well.  Jeremy entered the room with unrealistic expectations and then refused to take the gatekeepers’ constructive criticism to heart. 

Jeremy’s attitude:  “I’m sorry if that group of people couldn’t see how dope I am.”

Jeremy Jackson is a great caricature case study for Jake on Jobs because not only is he a twenty-something (27), but he received so much attention as a child (thanks to Baywatch, the most popular show in the world) that he now personifies many of the exaggerated stereotypes which plague Gen Y as professional adults.

In order to learn from Jeremy’s mistakes, I am going to break his ridiculous quote apart into three parts:

1. “I’m sorry “
As I’ve stated on several occasions, I have little patience for the disingenuous apology.  See: “I’m sorry is the new LOL” for more details.

2. “That group of people”
The implication here is that the people in the Hollywood conference room were not the “right” audience for Jeremy’s pitch.  They weren’t insightful or perceptive enough to grasp his versatility and brilliance.

That shouldn’t matter. 

A good personal pitch is so tight, and communicates value so clearly, that cavemen could understand it. 

3. “Couldn’t see how dope I am”
Don’t overwhelm potential employers with your “dope-ness”.  Instead, show them that you are employable, mature, and focused.

Every New Hire Should Watch American Idol's "Hollywood Week"

Forget the fat guy in the pink bunny suit, the crazy lady who laughs like a hyena, and the creepy dude from Nebraska who may or may not be a serial killer. 

The American Idol competition begins during Hollywood Week.

Hundreds of thousands of people try out for American Idol every year, but only 150 make it to Hollywood. 

Hollywood Week is like the entry-level work experience on steroids.  A big group of young and talented people walk in, but only a handful climb out.  Along the way there are break-through performances, monumental mistakes, cut-throat competition, and a lot of bitching.

Everyone who makes it to Hollywood is gifted and qualified.  However, it takes more than qualifications and enthusiasm to survive and advance.  Contestants who want to make the finals (or ascend beyond the entry level) must understand the following:

It’s not about individuals anymore.  It’s about the show

Why is Simon a jerk?  Because American Idol is his show.  If the top 12 contestants don’t perform well, it means he hasn’t performed.  He helped build that show from nothing and his reputation is at stake.  Once contestants get to Hollywood, they need to recognize that their primary objective is to add value to the program.

Some people have more talent than others

The simple truth is that some people are more talented that others.  The game is easier for them.  Is it fair? No.  Is it life? Yes.  That said, the less-talented contestants who find a unique niche for themselves will go further than the more-talented contestants who don’t bring anything new to the table.

The more they critique you, the more they care 
After singing on day 1 of Hollywood Week, Von Smith from Missouri received the following critique from Simon:

“I thought it was indulgent nonsense, what you just did, Von.  Horrible song.  Horrible performance.  Really annoying.  It’s the sort of thing a child would do when they’re learning to sing.”

 

This might have been the sharpest barb that Simon tossed out all day.  However, Von moved on.  Simon went into painful detail with his critique because he wanted Von to learn from it.  Could Simon have been more constructive with his criticism?  Sure, but who cares? 

This isn’t a game for people with thin skin.

Finally, here’s a quick piece of advice for Idol Contestants (and entry-level employees)

Own Your Performance

You are responsible for your career.  Make the tough decisions and own your performance.  Don’t get along with your group?  That’s on you.  End up with material that doesn’t suit your style?  Change the arrangement and make it work. 

In Hollywood, no one cares if your voice is sore, you’re feeling nervous, or that you’ve been walking around in heels since 5 a.m. 

Toss in some Dr. Sholl's and suck it up. 

Tough Love for The Boss

A Message to Bruce Springsteen (as well as the supervisors, managers, and directors or Corporate America):

We don’t want you to be our peer.  We want you to be The Boss.

 

I hate to say it, but Bruce Springsteen looked awkward tonight.  Don’t get me wrong, the music during the Super Bowl Halftime Show was solid.  The man and his band were rockin’.  Unfortunately, Bruce was trying WAY too hard to look and act young.

I'll admit, when he jumped on the grand piano at the beginning of the show, I applauded.  It was a nice throwback moment to let us know that The Boss still has a some mischief left in him.  However, 3 labored sprints across stage, 2 knee-drops, and 1 crotch-first power slide later, I started to feel uncomfortable. 

His antics reminded me of the time Molly Shannon (“Sally O’Malley”) tried out for the Rockettes on SNL.

I like the old Boss.  I like the Boss who kicks ass and takes names without forcing uncomfortable jokes during breaks.  The Boss who leads his band with confidence unencumbered by faux-casual interactions and non-sequitur slang intended to “appear peer”.

Dude, you’re The Boss.  You don’t need to act “hip”.

Just be cool, instead.